Rated R Horror Film

Today has been officially the worst Towle day ever!

So last night I went to bed kinda upset about a few things and every time I go to bed upset, I
have a nightmare.
So the nightmare I had last night was beyond terrible. (Hence- the title of this post)
I was the nurse in the baby part of a hospital. My job was to watch these ten
little babies and keep them alive for the next 12 hour shift that I was on. After
everyone had left and it was just me, I saw this guy standing in the corner of my room.
I asked him to leave but when he didn't answer, I walked towards him. He beat me up and
then cut off my legs. I was still conscious but completely helpless. Then I watched and screamed
at him while he slowly cut up and ate all the little babies I was supposed to be protecting.

Can anyone say WOAH!?!?!?!

This week I was supposed to get a paper back that I knew without a shadow of a doubt
was a 100!!! Imagine my surprise when I got back a paper that was a C!!!! instead of an A+
like I was hoping.


Now- I am your typical girl... so all day I was worrying that my hair looked bad because
my roots are growing in and they do not look good at all.

Now a couple other little things happened that I am not going to bore you with... but truthfully-
today was really hard for me.

These are the times when I need some chocolate and a bubble bath. I may just go get those things
ready!

My life as a three yr old!!!

2 weeks ago 
2 weeks ago I was curling my hair and I burned my cheek. I got a huge read mark
and then for the next couple days i wore a big band aid over it with neosporin, to help
not get a scar. I felt like a three year old...because only three year olds get their faced burned
and have to wear a band aid to help it heal.

1 1/2 weeks ago
1 1/2 weeks ago I was heading to bed, just a normal night except mom had told me that I needed
to take the trash outside before I went to bed and I had not yet done it. I hate going outside late at
night. I am so very scared of being kidnapped or raped. So, I called someone. Just to talk to them for one minute (because thats how long it would take to put the trash outside) Yes- I am a three year old in an eighteen year olds body.

1 week ago
1 week ago I was trying to help out one of the students by helping them get their breakfast
made. One of the pans on the stove was in my way and so I decided to pick it up and just
move it. What i didn't know is that it had just been used. So I burned myself again...my entire
hand!!!!! I stuck it under cold water super quickly, then grabbed alot of ice and held that to my
hand for some time. That made me feel better...but for a while mom had to help me with certain stuff cause it just hurt to do them by myself. (can anyone say three year old)


Yesterday-
Mom and Renee every night sit down in front of the tv for like 2-3 hours and watch something
before they head to bed. Last night I wanted to watch something... so I started talking to them
about it. "I want to watch something...Its my turn, you guys have been watching something
every night for ever and ever!!!!"
My mom just stared at me, wide eyed.   "Why was she doing that," I thought?
And then I stopped and listened to my own whinny voice. I had turned into my three
year old self again. So I just turned around and went to bed.

You may look at me and see me, eighteen, but its not true. I also have a three
year old living inside me somewhere. Three year old me gets scared of snakes, the dark, and
taking the trash out. 

A rollar coaster!

The Bad!
So, for the last 3 months I have been looking and looking for a missions trip to go on this next summer.
I would LOVE to go to Africa and have it be for 2 months or a little more. I have been looking at places like Uganda, Kenya, and Swaziland. The hard thing is finding something that is perfect for me. I would be going by myself because I don't know any good friends who are interested in joining me. And so I keep searching, hoping to find the right missions trip but nothing is showing up

So the search goes on and on...

The Good!
School is going good. I actually get the classes. Yes, some of my teachers have monotone voices that make it hard to pay attention but thats the worst it gets.

The Bad!
I have alot of crazy stuff going on in life right now that I don't feel like pouring out on this blog yet.

The Good!
God is GOOD! 

saying it!

Wow!
How hard is this life? Flipping hard!

So for the last two weeks one of my friends has been trying to get me to say something and since
this place feels safe to me, im gonna say it. Im gonna do it!

I am not alright!

There- out in the open- exposed. Now the world knows... but I don't care. I am allowed to not
be okay. I am allowed to have a hard time!

A Powerful Romance

So recently I have been trying to stop watching so many romantic movies. I can see that it is slowly turning me into one of those girls with really high hopes for the men around me. I except so much from them, especially Noah and I hate that about myself.
Don't get me wrong- Noah (my boyfriend) can be super super romantic and I LOVE that about him, but I expect too much. I don't need a Lake House, a glass slipper, a romantic kiss to wake me from my slumber, or a mansion. Truthfully, all I need is a Best Friend to want to date me, to marry me, and to be with me forever!
This is a lesson I need to learn everyday...
Everyday I need to think- Is this what I really want or am I being like this because of some movie or fairy tale I hope to live out?

Just telling a simple story

So two weeks ago I watched the movie Precious. Can anyone say,"OH MY GOSH!!!"
This movie touched me beyond belief. People actually go thru all this stuff- that alone, blew
my mind into a million pieces but the thing that touched me the most was when everything was
terrible for this girl all the teacher said was, "Write."  Wow!
So thats what im doing- my story isn't as crazy or as hard as hers but its a story. In the end, all i can do is write it.

I love writing stuff down, actually.
I have a box full of old journals and I love spending time reading them and thinking about how i thought those days were rough...boy was i in for a shocker!!!!

My morals are alllll messed up!

Hi!

So- If you knew me- you would know that I am a young Christian girl who works at my church almost daily! You would also know that I just turned 18...
So thats where this story begins-
About three weeks ago I turned 18, after my birthday I realized I could finally go get my nose pierced, which is what i have been wanting to do for some time- so i sat down and had a long talk with my parents about it and I walked away, not being able to pierce my nose but my belly button. whhaaaaatttttt. How this happened, I am really not sure? Sure- having your belly button pierced would be cool to some people, but for me it was the nose that i really wanted done. I could go get it done, because I am 18...but thats not me. I am not rebellious in that sense....or am I?
Reasons behind my parents not wanting me to get my nose pierced is: everyone will stare at your nose aand not your face.
Reasons behind them being ok with my belly pierced: no one can see...
This situation keeps me thinking... be rebellious and get my nose done anyways...
Have nothing done for a while?
what......

Why is the Title "Baby Steps?"

Why is the title baby steps, you may ask?
The reason behind the title is- well- its a story!
I am the type of person that tends to panic about little things,
big things, and everything in between!!!!! One of my very good friends,
lets call her Rebekah (because thats her real name) :) well...anyways...
she knew this about me so she used to tell me "Baby Steps."
She said,"Stop thinking about the big picture but think about the now."
So here I am- a senior- about to make alot of really important decisions in my life
and i need to think... BABY STEPS!!!!